Parts of You: Internal Family Systems
“Part of me wants to change, but the other part of me doesn't."
Does this thought sound familiar to you? If you've ever found yourself caught in the tug-of-war between wanting to make a change in your life and feeling resistant to it, you're not alone. That inner conflict, that push and pull between different parts of ourselves, is something many of us experience. This is one of the many reasons why Dr. Richard Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. This evidence-based modality is an incredible approach to understanding your internal world.
IFS holds the assumption that each individual has several subpersonalities or "parts,” each with its own unique characteristics, desires, and emotions.
These parts may represent different aspects of our personality that developed in response to life experiences, traumas, or conflicts. These parts aren’t random. They’re adaptive. They formed at a time when your system needed protection. They helped you get through something. Even if they feel frustrating now, they once had a very important job.
Some parts may be protective, while others may hold pain or fear. You might uncover a part that's always trying to protect you, like your own personal bodyguard. Or maybe there's a part that's still hurting from something in the past, carrying around emotional pain or fear due to unmet needs in the past. Each one of us has a part referred to as the "Self" – our core, undamaged essence that holds qualities such as compassion, wisdom, and clarity. The overarching goal of IFS therapy is to connect with oneself and cultivate a harmonious relationship between the Self and other inner parts.
When I use IFS in sessions, I act as a guide facilitating a dialogue between the client and their inner parts. Through introspection and guided visualization, clients are encouraged to identify and communicate with these inner parts, understand their roles, motivations, and underlying emotions. This process helps clients develop a greater sense of self and insight into their internal family system.
Think of your identity as a puzzle: The various parts of you, similar to puzzle pieces, represent different aspects of your personality and experiences. The core ‘Self’ serves as the central piece, anchoring the puzzle together and providing stability amidst the complexity of the internal landscape.
During a session when someone is exploring and understanding their parts, I might use some of the following words that speak to their internal experience:
Parts: Internal entities with thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
Self: Innate presence bringing balance and transformative qualities.
Protectors: Parts that aim to maintain functioning and suppress emotional pain.
Proactive protectors (Managers): Helpers who maintain stability and work to prevent exiled parts from experiencing overwhelming emotions. Managers are diligent, task-oriented, and determined as it relates to shielding us from intense feelings.
Reactive protectors (Firefighters): Firefighters typically become activated after managers are unsuccessful. This protector shares the same goal as Managers as they manage the exiled parts and alleviate emotional pain. However, they typically take a more maladaptive approach to cope with emotions, such as substance abuse, self-harm, or impulsive behavior.
Exiles: Parts banished by protectors to avoid overwhelming emotional pain.
Retrieval: When an exiled part leaves the past and enters the present.
Blended (or undifferentiated): When two parts coexist. They merge with one another part or with the Self.
Unburdening: Releasing painful emotions, sensations, and beliefs held by a part.
Direct Access: Communicating with parts directly when they won't unblend.
Do-Over: When an exiled part guides the Self back to a past event to change its outcome.
Over time, the ‘Self’ understands and empathizes with the other parts' experiences, which can create more harmony in our internal world.
Whether addressing issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, emotional expression, or relationship difficulties, understanding the dynamics of your internal family system is instrumental in self-exploration and healing. If this approach to therapy interests you, we might be a great fit for therapy. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation call or initial session!
Warmly,
Sophia Rodriguez, LMFT